


Orders & Choices

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Loss, the Code (that should be a warning on its own)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: The reader finds a letter addressed to her long-term boyfriend, Arthur Ketch. The letter is about to change everything between them.





	1. Orders

Title: Orders  
Characters: Arthur Ketch x Reader, Dr Hess (mentioned)  
Word Count: ~1k  
Warnings: angst, hurt, loss, the Code (that should be a warning on its own)  
Summary: The reader finds a letter addressed to her long-term boyfriend, Arthur Ketch. The letter is about to change everything between them.  
A/n: Just a small idea @mathsbymoonlight and I came up with. All the angst for you, girl <3  
…  
Being in love with Arthur Ketch had never been a smart choice. He was a difficult man to love, hell some days even to get along with. He was smart and he knew it, he was a goddamn good hunter and he knew it, and he was also very good at making your heart beat faster and he knew that too. To say he was cocky about all that was an understatement.  
Someone days you teasingly asked why you’d even put up with him and his attitude. Tough both of you knew why. You had fallen head over heels for him. And despite him being the way he was you knew he cared about you too.  
The exact words I love you had never been exchanged between you. But they were just words, they didn’t mean much. Working for an organization like the British Man of Letters it wasn’t words that showed love, but values like loyalty, understanding and protecting each other.  
You understood Arthur in a way most people couldn’t. Mostly because he let you understand, he for some reason decided that you were worth letting in behind his cold mask seeing the man he was underneath. The first time you saw his devastated look, it had been over loosing someone he had worked with for years on a relatively easy hunt, had been the day you admitted to yourself that he was more to you than steady sex.   
That had been three years ago. Three years of being in love and having someone at your side to not completely lose yourself in the cruel world that was the British Man of Letters. You knew neither of you could have stayed sane without the other and you were thankful for the small good thing you had together.  
All that changed however about five minutes ago. You had been searching for a phone number on Ketch’s desk when you accidentally glimpsed at a letter barely hidden by the folder of his current solo hunt. Seeing as it had the higher ups signature at the bottom you frowned because he didn’t share the news with you. Assuming some kind of promotion, Arthur was just damn good at what he did, you read over it.

We would like to inform you that it had been brought to our attention that your close relationship with your colleague, (y/n) (y/l/n), has been affecting your good work. We kindly suggest you take care of the problem yourself. In case you fail to do so the organization may assist you in getting rid of the distraction.

Your heart broke at that. You had always known in the world you both lived in there were no happy ever afters. Every hunt could be the last for either of you, every summoning to headquarters could end in trouble. But never had you thought that it would be the very organization you both worked so hard to make successful, that would destroyed the little happiness you shared.   
The way you read that letter him breaking up with you would be the best case scenario. In what world was having to break up a best case? The words getting rid of the distraction echoed in your head. It didn’t surprise you that Arthur was the more valued asset, it was the logical choice if they could only keep either of you. But it still broke your heart. Not for you, but for him.   
The one thing that everyone knew about Arthur Ketch was that he was loyal. It was one of his best qualities actually. But he wasn’t just loyal to the organization and the code, but deep down also to the people he cared about. The unspoken words, implied by taking care of the problem, caused you to shiver. You knew his loyalties to both you and the organization were strong and since you never saw a problem in a work place relationship you never thought about him having to choose one day. Yet here they were pretending to give him a choice. But there was no choice. The British Man of Letters gave orders, not choices.  
Putting down the letter you fell into his chair. Tears were spilling from your eyes as the small apartment you shared began to become blurry. The mug you’ve gotten Arthur for his last birthday still sat on the desk. The smell of his aftershave still hanging on the back of the chair, filling you with even more devastated fear. Everything you ever wanted and had, was suddenly out of reach. Your life was falling apart over four lines of machine written words. And you couldn’t really do anything about it.   
Well apart from making this as easy as possible. Still with tears running down your face you grabbed the letter again. You didn’t have it in you to read the words all over again. It wasn’t necessary for this anyway. You also grabbed one for the pens, Arthur had meticulously put away in a pen holder, and uncapped it. Some of your tears were landing on the pale white sheet as you wrote what you believed would save both of you the terrible consequences of trying to make decisions.   
Moved out while you were away. I’m sorry, Arthur. I’ll try and get assigned to that assignment over in America. Stay save.  
For a long time you looked down at the words. The tears had died down simply because you had none left. After reading your own words over and over, you realized this was the last chance you ever got to say something else. The words both of you never used, because words were no necessary if you could see all the love in each other’s eyes. But if you were never to see Arthur again words would do.  
With one last heartbroken sob you added I love you at the bottom of your note, before you left to pack a bag and make a phone call to Dr Hess.


	2. Choices

Title: Choices – Part 2 of Orders  
Characters: Arthur Ketch x Reader, Lady Toni Bevell (mentioned)  
Word Count: ~1.4k  
Warnings: angst, hurt, the Code (that should be a warning on its own), talk about killing  
Summary: The reader finds went to America as planned, but sometimes even the other end of the world isn’t far enough to run.  
A/n: Sequel to the idea my friend and I came up with. Here’s the original plan, I changed it around a little I guess: Ketch has to break up with the reader and went she finds out the reader is all angst because he loves job and maybe she even decides to leave before he can kick her out. and he's like what the hell he just wanted to stop telling ppl about their relationship not end it.  
…

You had been assisting Lady Toni Bevell for the past two weeks. She had been torturing the guy, Sam Winchester, for days now not getting anywhere close to the information she needed. All that time you simply watched her, all your thoughts back in England with your abandoned apartment and Arthur.  
He should be home by now from his latest hunt, having found your good bye note. You imagined his usually hard and stoic face falling in the privacy of your apartment. There was no way of telling what he would do. But you were still confident you made the right choice by taking the hard good bye away from him.  
A small traitorous voice in your head kept whispering that you did it to protect yourself. He wasn’t threatened after all. It had been your life on the line. Your life and both your hearts, you reminded yourself. No matter what kind of lives you both lead, with each other you still held on to that tiny bit of compassion and humanity. If they really had demanded your death by Arthurs hand it would have broken him. He would have done it, you were certain, but not to follow orders but to make sure it wasn’t some amateur doing a poor job. He would have given you a kind death.  
You sighed as you read Lady Toni’s report for the fifth time. She kept you mostly on paper duty which you were thankful for. You didn’t have it in you right now to deal with anything else. Focusing on the work at hand without getting lost in your own head was hard enough, but keeping the appearance up that you weren’t heartbroken made it worse. You couldn’t relax, the only source of calmness and security in your life was lost.  
Suddenly there were voices in the corridor. Immediately you tried to put on your best busy looking face, taking a pencil in hand and pretending to thoroughly go over her assessment of the “American situation”. The voices were getting louder as the came closer to the small make shift office you got assigned in the new compound. Since you were assigned last minute you didn’t get a fancy glass wall office like your rank would have called for, but you didn’t mind so much. You liked the privacy of this place.  
The voices on the corridor were now near enough to distinguish. One, the one talking in a passive aggressive hiss, was definitely Lady Toni. You knew exactly how she sounded when she was pissed. You were on about equal ranks but since it was her mission you had to report to her. You never liked her so you weren’t too pleased about the situation, but then again under the current circumstances nothing about any situation could make you feel happy or even pleased. When she was finally done with her angry rant about how someone wasn’t supposed to arrive till they were actually called in, another voice followed.  
The new voice made your blood freeze. The very calm and superior tone, mixed with the so familiar accent, belonged the none other than Arthur. Your heart fell at the sound of his voice. You had run to the other end of the world to save him from the pain of having to kill you, but it hadn’t been far enough apparently.  
As in trance you cleared up the desk. You put Toni’s report in a transparent folder to make sure it was well protected. Then you tided all other important things on your desk away. Trying to not listen to the voices in front of your door, you busied yourself with putting away things in to the drawers. Sticky notes wouldn’t look good with blood on them, the stapler could be maybe reused by your replacement if you put it away as well. All your fear was kept at bay by keeping your hands busy.  
When nothing but the screen, a keyboard and mouse were left on your desk, but Arthur still hadn’t come in, you took the sticky notes back out. Using the same pencil you had taken notes with only half an hours ago you wrote one more very important message.  
Some part of you had known that running was ultimately of no use. But you were still glad you tried. For a second you closed your eyes, imagining a smiling Arthur in front of you. The same man who could make you laugh even when you were pissed to no end, the man who could make you feel like the most loved woman in the world without saying a single word, the man you would always love. Swallowing you opened your eyes to not mess up the one last message you had. I forgive you.  
After sticking the note right in the middle of the black computer screen you closed your eyes once more. Memories of days spent laughing, holding each other in bed, watching the sun set throw a small compound window filled your inner eye. They could take everything from you but you would never stop loving Arthur Ketch.  
“Hello” You opened your eyes to see the same man from your memories stand in front of your desk. His expression was clouded, all emotions hidden even from you.  
“Hey” Your voice was barely a whisper.  
“I got your note” He said “It’s very easy to track someone if they tell you where they go.”  
“I wasn’t running” Or hiding.   
“No” His stoic mask was shifting, his face betrayed nothing but you saw all the emotions move in his eyes. There were so many, hurt, sadness, loss, you couldn’t even name them all from the split seconds they were visible to you. “You decided to be the hero. You decided to sacrifice both our hearts.”  
“There was no decision - no choice” You hissed “It was this or watching you kill me. I couldn’t do that to you.”  
“Because you love me” His voice had become quieter, his intense eyes focused on you “Some days I’m not sure if I’m the luckiest man on earth for that or you the most unfortunate woman.” There was a tuck on his lips, only the ghost of a smile but years of knowing him taught you to catch on to the small things with him “I believe it doesn’t matter now.”  
With three fast steps he was around the desk, your chin in hand tilting your head so he could look you deep into your scared (y/e/c) eyes. You weren’t scared of him, you could never be, but you were scared about how the look in his eyes would change from the stormy passion you saw now. Even after knowing him for years you couldn’t decide if the last expression you would see on his handsome face would be one of loss and hurt or of cold indifference in an attempt to protect himself.  
“Maybe I’m lucky but you are for certain an idiot” He breathed against your lips “You’re the only thing keeping me sane. I need you, keeping you save will always be my top priority. But, (y/n), you know me, you know I can be a selfish man too. I can’t lose you even if it were to protect us.”  
The passion and love in his eyes only seemed to increase, almost overwhelming you. “I love you” He said before he crashed his lips hard onto yours. Instinctively you wrapped your arms around him to keep him close and never let go. All reasons you had tried to come up over the past days why it had been right what you did vanished. How could it ever be right to stay away from love?  
When both of you desperately needed to breath, he pulled away. Though he didn’t dare let go of your body. Instead he pressed his forehead against yours. You could feel his hot breath on your face and all you wanted was to kiss him again and again in an illusion that nothing had changed.  
“I’m not letting you go” He whispered “You’re mine. And if keeping you save means keeping you a secret, fine. But I won’t lose you. I can’t.”  
“Neither can I” A tear was running down your cheek, you could feel his hot breath against the wet trail on your cheek. Maybe you both were fools but if one thing made your line of work worthwhile for even a second it was protecting what you loved. And if you stopped loving there was nothing left to protect. Neither you nor Arthur would be as good an asset without knowing you were keeping each other safe by doing what you’re doing. Because at the end of the day loyalty came from the heart, by choice not orders.


End file.
